Intimate partner violence

What is intimate partner violence?

Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) or Intimate Partner Abuse is a type of domestic violence. IPV is where the person who is causing harm is an intimate partner such as a spouse or dating partner. It can also be someone you are no longer married to or dating.

IPV is a pattern of behavior used by one partner to maintain power and control over another in their relationship.

IPV that occurs in relationships of teenagers is called Teen Dating Violence and often has the same types of abuse that occurs in adult relationships.

Intimate Partner Violence affects everyone.

There are many forms that abuse can take

Physical

Physical abuse can take the shape of kicking, punching, shoving, slapping, and any other acts that can hurt someone's body.

Physical abuse can also be destructive acts. These are acts when someone physically damages things or pets around a person in order to scare or threaten them. Acts can include punching walls, breaking windows, damaging vehicles, destroying important documents, and harming pets.

Sexual

Criticizing body parts or sexuality, forced or pressured sexual acts, including rape, transmitting STDs, openly discussing affairs or sex with other people.

Emotional

Emotional abuse is a consistent pattern of hurtful words, bullying, and other behaviors that wear down a person's self-esteem and harm their mental health. Types of emotional abuse are but not limited to gaslighting, isolation, name calling, shaming or blaming, silent treatments, making little of a person's concerns, withholding affection and attention.

Verbal

Verbal abuse can be but not limited to name calling, including vulgar names and terms, put downs, and threats. Verbal abuse also includes manipulations and blame.

Mental

Mental abuse is when someone makes a person feel like they are going crazy by convincing them that they are not normal, they are overreacting, or seeing behavior that is not there.

Spiritual

Spiritual abuse is when someone either belittles or devalues a person's spiritual belief or uses their spiritual beliefs against them. It also includes being prevented from practicing beliefs or using spiritual beliefs as a basis for other abuses on this page.

Financial

Financial abuse is controlling and manipulating someone by withholding and monitoring money, reinforcing financial dependence by not allowing a person to get a job or higher education, threatening to take away basic needs such as food, clothing, housing or spending income on drugs/alcohol/gambling or other unimportant things when bills are due or basic needs are not met.

Are you being affected by intimate partner violence?

If you or someone you know is being harmed by their partner or ex-partner, we can help.

Call our 24-Hour Crisis Hotline today to see what options are available: (209) 722‑4357.

Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer abuse

Gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people experience domestic abuse at the same rate as heterosexual women.

Domestic violence — it's something that can affect anyone. Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer (LGBTQ) people do experience domestic abuse, but the reality of LGBTQ relationship violence is rarely discussed. LGBTQ people can be reluctant to seek help from the police for fear of homophobic or transphobic treatment and may be unable to turn to family or friends for support if they are not 'out' about their sexuality. This can leave LGBTQ people who suffer from domestic violence especially isolated and at risk of further abuse.

About 25% of LGBTQ people suffer through violent or threatening relationships with partners or ex-partners — about the same rate as heterosexual women. Sometimes the abuse looks similar to that experienced by heterosexual people: emotional bullying, physical aggression, threats to harm the victim or other loved ones, social isolation, control of finances, extreme jealousy. There are additional features that can be present in LGBTQ intimate partner violence that do not factor into heterosexual relationships. The abuser may threaten to 'out' the victim to friends, family, religious communities, co-workers, and others if he or she does not comply with the abuser's wishes. The abuser may use the close-knit dynamic of the gay and lesbian community and the lack of support for LGBTQ people outside the community to further pressure the victim into compliance.

Valley Crisis Center understands the importance of confidentiality and safety and we would like to state that VCC will always be a safe location for all members of our community to seek services.

If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic violence or has been a victim in the past, we can help. Please call us at our business office at (209) 725‑7900 or on our 24 Hour Crisis Hotline at (209) 722‑4357.

Myths vs. realities

Domestic violence or intimate partner violence is surrounded by myths and false information due to a variety of reasons.

Myth: Intimate Partner Violence only affects a small portion of the population.

The reality is that more than 12 million women and men are victims of intimate partner violence per year.

Myth: Intimate Partner Violence only happens to the poor, uneducated, and minorities.

The reality is that abuse happens to people from all types of families, all income levels, all ethnicities, all professions, all religions, and all education levels. It happens in towns, in suburbs, inner cities, neighborhoods, and rural areas. Abused victims with few financial or personal resources are more visible because they are more likely to seek help from public organizations. Victims from middle and upper economic groups are more likely to seek help from private organizations or individuals.

Myth: Alcohol or drugs cause the abuse.

The reality is that although alcohol/drugs can cause violence to increase in severity, violent abusers will hit when they are under the influence or sober. Abusers will use alcohol/drugs as an excuse for violent behavior and as a way of avoiding taking responsibility for their actions. Stopping an abuser's substance abuse will not make the violence end. They are separate problems that often overlap.

Myth: Victims did something to deserve it.

Every relationship has arguments and stress. The reality is that most people find healthy ways to resolve their arguments and disagreements. Most victims will get abused for no reason, over little things, or even in their sleep. There is no excuse for abuse in a relationship.

Myth: When there is violence in the home, everyone has to change for it to stop.

The reality is that only the abuser has the ability to stop. Abusing is a choice that the abuser should be held responsible for. Many victims try to change their behavior in hopes that this will stop the violence. This does not work. Changes in the family's behavior will not cause the abuser to become non-violent. The abuse is never the victim's fault.

Myth: When a couple is having intimate partner violence issues, it's just a bad relationship or poor communication.

The reality is that you can have a bad relationship that doesn't involve intimate partner violence. This idea minimizes the seriousness of the problem and causes the victim to "fix" the relationship to stop the abuse.

Myth: It's easy to leave. If they stay it's because they want to.

The reality is that it is not easy to leave. Leaving an abusive partner is often the most dangerous time for the victim. There are many valid reasons a person stays with an abusive partner. Fear, lack of safe options, and the inability to survive economically prevent many victims from leaving abusive relationships. Threats of harm, including death to the victim and/or children, keep many victims trapped in abusive situations.

Myth: Women can't be abusers.

The reality is that anyone can be abusive. Women are just as capable of being the aggressor in an abusive relationship. Men are not less than for reporting intimate partner violence.

Myth: Intimate Partner Violence is caused by stress.

Life is full of stressful situations usually caused by money, work, and relationships.

Intimate Partner Violence is a chosen response to that stress. Abusers use it as a way to control a situation they feel is out of control. They use abuse in the same way someone may use drugs or alcohol to cope. None of these methods are healthy.

Myth: They just lose control and don't know what they are doing.

If abusers truly "lost control" there would be a lot more intimate partner violence related homicides. The fact is that many abusers control their violence, choosing to harm their victims in less visible places such as on the torso or under the hairline.

Some abusers even control how they use mental and emotional abuse, avoiding things that can be saved or tracked like texting.

Myth: Intimate Partner Violence isn't a real problem — not like other crimes.

This myth is very dangerous as it leads people to believe that the effects of intimate partner violence on victims are not as serious as other crimes, like robbery.

In fact, Intimate Partner Violence accounts for a significant proportion of all serious crimes — aggravated assault, rape, and homicide.

Myth: If you are not physically injured, it's not abuse.

Intimate Partner Violence comes in many forms. Abuse does not have to be physical for it to be valid.

See the forms of abuse above for more information on the types of abuse someone can experience in an IPV relationship.

Myth: Children who grow up in an abusive household are not affected by the abuse themselves.

The psychological impact of being raised in a household where intimate partner violence occurs can be intense. Many of these children develop cognitive and psychological problems after witnessing this abuse second-hand. They can get sleeping disorders, eating disorders, depression, aggressive behavior, destructive rages, stuttering, shaking, and declined problem solving skills.

Children who grow up in these types of households are three times more likely to be abusive themselves than children in a healthy household.

Even if there is no physical abuse, and children are in another room, they are still exposed to the tension in the household and on some level feel something is wrong.

Many myths start out as innocent misunderstandings that balloon into great problems for survivors. Many myths revolve around victim blaming.

Victim blaming is when someone puts the blame for the abuse on the victim, not the abuser.

Why purple?

Purple is the color of the Awareness Ribbon for Intimate Partner Violence.

Did you know that October is National Intimate Partner Violence Awareness Month?

Did you know that Teen Dating Violence has its own awareness month and color? Orange is the color of the awareness ribbon and the awareness month is in February.