After sexual assault: you are not alone

Sexual abuse or assault is when one person uses force, threat of force, or coercion to make another person engage in sexual behavior against their will. Whatever the circumstances, no one asks or deserves to be sexually assaulted.

24‑hr hotline: 1‑888‑966‑2350

What to know

About half of all people who are raped know the person who attacked them. Even if two people know each other well, and even if they were intimate or had sex before, no one has the right to force a sexual act on another person. If sex is forced against someone's will, that is rape.
The person who is raped is not to blame. Rape is always the fault of the rapist, no matter what someone was wearing or how they acted. Rape is not about sex or passion; it is an act of aggression and violence.
Drugs may play a role. "Date rape" drugs like rohypnol, GHB, and ketamine can be mixed in drinks to make a person black out and forget things that happen. If you were date raped or are unsure, we are available to talk.

Facts about sexual assault

In a nationally representative survey of 9,684 adults:

10.6% of women reported experiencing forced sex at some time in their lives,
2.1% of men reported experiencing forced sex at some time in their lives, and
2.5% of women surveyed and 0.9% of men surveyed said they experienced unwanted sexual activity in the previous 12 months.
20% to 25% of women in college reported experiencing an attempted or a completed rape in college.

In a nationally representative survey:

60.4% of female and 69.2% of male victims were first raped before age 18.
25.5% of females were first raped before age 12, and 34.9% were first raped between the ages of 12–17.
41.0% of males were first raped before age 12, and 27.9% were first raped between the ages of 12–17.

Information from the CDC's "Sexual Violence: Facts at a Glance"

Caring for yourself right after an assault

Get somewhere safe, and consider calling someone you trust — or our hotline. You do not have to go through the next hours alone.
You have the right to a free forensic medical exam. If you may want evidence collected, try not to shower, eat, drink, or change clothes first — evidence collection is best within 72 hours. An advocate can accompany you through the entire exam, and having the exam does not obligate you to press charges.
Get medical attention even if you don't want an exam — for injuries, pregnancy prevention, and STI care.
Whatever you choose is okay. Reporting or not reporting, telling family or not — these are your decisions, and an advocate can talk through each one with you.

Your rights as a survivor

Every victim of sexual assault has the right to be treated with dignity and respect by institutional and legal personnel, to report or not report the rape to the police, to have an advocate accompany them while being questioned by police and/or at the hospital, to have access to peer counseling, and to be assured strict confidentiality. Our advocates know these rights well and will stand beside you through any part of the process — hospital, police station, or courtroom.

Common reactions

Every person reacts differently after being assaulted, but many survivors experience similar reactions: unwanted thoughts or memories, nightmares, flashbacks, panic attacks, difficulty concentrating, feeling anxious or jumpy, irritability, and the urge to avoid anything associated with the assault. It is important to know that you are not alone, you are not "going crazy," and the way you feel is not a sign of weakness. Counseling and support are available for as long as you need, whether the assault happened yesterday or decades ago.

Myths & facts

Myth: If the victim doesn't fight back, it isn't rape.

When someone is being forced to have sex, they may be frozen with fear and shock, or believe that fighting back will only lead to more violence. It does not matter whether the victim fought back or not: if consent was not given freely, then it was rape.

Myth: Rapists are always strangers.

Most rapes involve friends, acquaintances, significant others, or spouses — research reports that about 62% to 92% of rapes are committed by known assailants. It does not matter whether the other person is an ex-boyfriend or a complete stranger; if it is nonconsensual, it is rape.

Myth: Victims provoke sexual assault by the way they act or dress.

No one asks to be raped. What someone is wearing and how they are acting have nothing to do with being raped — studies have shown that 71% of rapes are planned ahead of time. Rape is about power and control, not sex.

More resources

RAINN — National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1‑800‑656‑4673
VALOR (California Coalition Against Sexual Assault)
Valley Crisis Center — SART exam accompaniment in Merced County